Good Intentions Are Not Enough

I find myself in the position where I am finally the one creating a first blog for a book, the book that I chose all the way back at the beginning of the semester. That book is Fear Gone Wild: A Story of Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss by Kayla Stoecklein. Much like the other books that my group has read over the course of the semester, as it says in the title, the main focus will be on mental illness. I chose this book for a couple of reasons, not only has depression and suicide had a major impact on my life, but there is one thing that differentiates this book when compared to the other two that are focused on mental illness. That is the fact that this perspective is coming from someone who isn’t the direct victim of the mental illness itself and because of that, we as the readers are getting an outsider’s look into the issue and we get to see the impact of how mental illness affects not just the victim but those around them.

In the case of Fear Gone Wild, it is Stoecklein’s memoir of her depressed husband whom she had lost to suicide. She recounts the times when they were together that led up to his eventual death, where she looks back in hindsight to see how she could have better helped him. She hopes that her story will be able to touch those who struggle from depression themselves, and provide support for those who have to cope with the disruptions mental illness in their loved ones bring. 

WIth her story, she attempts to show how turning to religion can help those with depression. While it may not be everyone’s first choice, turning to faith can help build happiness for some and may help with the treatment of one’s own depression. She tries to show this by showing how she and her husband attempt to turn in that direction to see if it would help him. It wasn’t enough to help Andrew, but it is still an approach to helping someone who is depressed.

To better understand her message and her story, I would have to understand what her controlling idea is. A controlling idea, according to McKee, is “expressed in a single sentence describing how and why life undergoes change from one condition of existence at the beginning to another at the end” (115). It is like a web of themes that drive the story from beginning to end. For Fear Gone Wild, it would be centered around Andrew and his mental illness.

However, there is also the counter idea, also a conjunction of themes by McKee. From the way that the counter idea is described: “you have to build a bridge of story from the opening to the ending, a progression of events that spans from Premise to Controlling Idea. These events echo the contradictory voices of one theme. Sequence by sequence, often scene by scene, the positive idea and its negative Counter Idea argue, so to speak, back and forth, creating a dramatized dialectical debate” (119). This means that throughout the narrative, the reader will be given positive and negative charges from the story. Both of which will determine how the events of the story play out, with one or the other being the overall winner.

The controlling idea for Fear Gone Wild would be how Andrew could have turned to religion in order to be treated. Kayla believes that this is a legitimate method for treating someone who is depressed, and that putting faith in someone’s life might end up making them happier. With that, she and Andrew spent a lot of time turning to religious texts to figure out what he can do to fight his inner demons. 

There is also the counter idea. That also has to do with Andrew turning to religion to treat his depression, however it takes a different approach. One could argue that turning to religion is what could have weakened Andrew’s resolve to keep living. In the end, the fight with his inner demons became too much, and the religious texts wouldn’t be making it better in the slightest. That impractical approach could be what contributed to his suicide. 

Both the controlling idea and the counter idea have charges, the controlling idea a positive charge, the counter idea the negative charge. These ideas are intended to debate over the course of the story until one is proven right at the end. These positive and negative charges can work hand in hand to form the story, or in this case, the events that lead to Andrew’s suicide.

To showcase a controlling idea, Kayla attempts to show how Andrew was seeking help for himself. Of course he was getting medication, seeking professional help, but he had also decided to turn to religion for help as well. “On paper we were doing everything we knew to create space for Andrew’s healing. He was seeing the psychiatrist biweekly, and we were seeing the counselor together for two hours every week. He was also seeing a wellness doctor, who recommended numerous vitamins and supplements to boost his energy and increase his overall health. He was getting plenty of rest in his “cave,” and he was working out every single day to rebuild muscle and regain strength. He would also occasionally retreat to the desert or the mountains to be alone with God, and sometimes the boys and I would join him. We did not want to squander his sabbatical; we took the time seriously. We were a team” (56). While it is helpful for someone with depression to seek a therapist and get medication to treat their mental illness. None of it is going to really help unless the depressed person tries to help themselves as well. For Andrew, Kayla believed that the way he could help himself was through religion. It is a legitimate hobby as any, and it can help those to cope. However, that doesn’t mean that Andrew is out of the woods yet, there is still the counter idea. 

To showcase a counter idea from within the story, here Kayla herself doesn’t seem to be helpful at times when it comes to treating her husband’s depression. In fact, there are times where she turns to religion and just makes the situation worse. “‘What do you mean a ‘creature’? Andrew, what are you talking about? There isn’t anything in the shower. You were the only one in here; I don’t understand.’ He started crying again and shaking. I wasn’t helping. I was making it worse. So I did the only thing I knew to do—I prayed. ‘God, I don’t know what’s going on, but I pray your presence would overwhelm this room right now. Whatever Andrew saw, I pray in the name of Jesus for it to leave; it has no power here. In Jesus’ mighty name, amen.’” (72). This is an instance where Andrew describes his own inner demons as something that is physical. I am able to at least discern that much from what he said, however Kayla not so much. This isn’t the first time that she is seen to be incapable of helping Andrew and instead clings to her religion hoping that it was enough to get him through his pain. She wasn’t always there for him emotionally at times because of how often she turned to religion as an answer and that did nothing but hurt Andrew in the long run.

This doesn’t just stop however with the way she is reckless with her husband. There are times throughout the story where she describes her husband in mental anguish and rather than focusing on trying to heal the pain, she turns around to make it about herself. She tries to describe how she was in pain at the moment, as if her husband’s negative energy was affecting her. It is surprisingly selfish of her to have thoughts like this in a book that is meant to call awareness to the affects mental illness and suicide has on the individual and those around them. 

I understand how the controlling idea has a positive charge and how the counter idea has a negative charge. These ideas are easy to identify once one learns how to look for them. Normally, it would be hard to determine which of the two ideas would win by the end of the story, however since this is a non-fictional memoir, I already have a pretty good idea of which idea is going to come out on top in the end. Regardless, I had made a graph of the general events of the story that display the positive and negative charges of the story, the controlling and counter ideas.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that in a memoir of a suicide victim that the negative charges should outnumber the positive. After all, I can’t help but see that the counter idea does seem to be more valid in the case of Andrew and Kayla. 

While I said earlier that turning to religion is a legitimate way for people with depression to cope in their own way. This story serves as a cautionary tale that it should not become an emotional crutch for someone to use when someone like Andrew seeks help. I have no doubt that Kayla has good intentions with her story and that she does love her husband. However, I can’t help but look back to all of the times where she was really careless with the way she treated Andrew. 

There are multiple times where Andrew is the one who is in deep pain, and yet Kayla makes it all about herself. When Andrew is diagnosed with depression, she is in disbelief at the possibility of that, and doesn’t even recognize her husband at that moment in her own words. It is times like this when Andrew has to get it together so that he can comfort his wife. However, it should be happening the other way around. She should be the one there for him, he is the one suffering from the mental illness.

This doesn’t even mention the fact that when Andrew’s pain is too much for her to deal with, she simply says a prayer out loud as if that will help her husband in his anguish. In the end, Kayla has good intentions with how she tries to make this story a call to awareness about mental illness, and a way to help those who are struggling themselves. But I can recommend it in the sense that it is simply a call to awareness and nothing else. I just can’t recommend what she would do to help her husband in his time of need, and while it is good of her to try to find hope after her loss. A lot of Andrew’s pain could have been prevented if she had simply not paid so much attention to herself.