In the beginning of the semester I put in the reading book list that I really enjoyed reading books with personal meaning or just something that can be related to our society. I usually never have time to read in general but whenever I get a chance I usually read books that I have already read because if I can’t finish I already know what the ending will be. I also do that because I sometimes miss things I don’t pick up on the first read. When joining Professor Kopp’s class I realized that I had a lot in store for me when it comes to reading books. When we were given this assignment I honestly had no clue what book I would want to read with my group. I didn’t want to pick a book that would be too boring but also too long. I had another book as my first pick, it was called Speak by Laurie Anderson, but I found out one of my group members read that book already and that I would have to pick a different book. As I was seeing what books were similar I came across this one by John Green, Green has so many books that I love and I couldn’t help but pick this one. I can say after everything we learned so far in this class, I can see myself improve as a reader and you’ll see why!
John Green’s book Turtles All the Way Down takes us into a 16-year-old girl’s mind as she goes through high school romance, friendship, loss and mystery as she suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. This story takes us through the life of our main character, Aza Holmes as she suffers with a mental illness. As we see many things happen in Aza’s life, the true focus of this book is on her inner struggles, as we spend most of our time reading this story in her head.
As the book opens up we enter a high school cafeteria where Aza is experiencing a “thought spiral” as she calls it (Green 8). Life is moving in the cafeteria as her friends try to engage in a conversation, but Aza is trapped in her own thoughts to even join in the conversation. Daisy (Aza’s best friend) is the complete opposite of her, as we learn to see that when Green subtly and effectively builds the tension between them. Aza is hopelessly lost in her own thoughts, while Daisy is full of excitement for life and relationships. They simultaneously complement and irritate each other.
The storyline starts to get interesting when a mysterious disappearance of an Indianapolis CEO and billionaire, Russell Pickett. A reward is proposed for any clues as to where he is. Daisy is exhilarated by the idea of solving a mystery and getting a hefty reward. Aza knows Pickett’s son, Davis, and Daisy insists that they visit him. We see an instant connection between Davis and Aza because they have both lost parents and now Davis might be losing another one.
As the love story unfolds between Davis and Aza, I can see that this is not a normal story about teen romance. Aza is still completely controlled by her compulsions and the story takes an unexpected turn. I believe some readers will understand that this book is about learning to live with mental illness and how Aza finds herself in the midst of it. Green builds this theme in the first half of the book by introducing a few of Aza’s compulsions and irrational fears. She is deathly afraid of contracting Clostridium difficile, an infective bacteria. Aza is perpetually aware of her churning stomach as she pictures the bacteria spreading. She compulsively picks at a small cut on her finger, which has been there since she was a child. She goes so far to clean that she starts to drink hand sanitizer.
Green paints a dark picture with the way he writes Aza’s inner dialogue, showing that it is a constant battle with herself. This constant battle leaves her to feel helpless and afraid. Green does not sugar coat the intense fear and loneliness that Aza feels.
I did notice that this book starts off slow with little outer conflict until the end. This sort of pace may not be for everyone but I feel that it is extremely reflective. Some of the characters in this story lack depth and description. Green doesn’t leave us with a choice of what character to latch onto as we are just stuck with what Aza is feeling. We get a first glimpse into the characters of Daisy and Davis, but readers will have to wait over halfway through the book to really connect with anyone besides.
I can see Green’s intent is clearly to get readers to try to understand and relate to Aza’s life. Aza is trying to solve her illness with medication and visits to her psychiatrist but is feeling hopeless.
“It’s so weird, to know you’re crazy and not be able to do anything about it, you know?” (Green 203)
She is constantly trying to portray her ongoing frustration,
“It’s not like you believe yourself to be normal. You know there is a problem. But you can’t figure a way through to fixing it.”(Green 203)
You can start to see from that last quote of where I got my premise, as we see throughout the story we are constantly watching Aza suffer from being trapped in her own thoughts. The premise of this book is What happens if you have to acknowledge your identity? Throughout the story we are constantly in Aza’s head and we never leave. She suffers with not seeing herself as a human and we encounter that in the opening of the whole novel when she says:
“At this time I first realized I might be fictional” (Green 1)
This opens the door to many other situations where Aza ignores the chaos in her life by pushing it off because she wants no part in her real life. Another situation where this occurs is in Chapter 1:
“Meanwhile I was thinking that if half the cells inside of you are not you, doesn’t that challenge the whole notion of me as a singular pronoun, let alone the author of my fate?” (Green 5)
She goes and questions her fate, this leads to our controlling idea, Being passive and defining one’s self by their mental illness leads to feeling indistinguishable. In one of the readings by Robert Mckee in his “Structure and Meaning.” Story: Substance, Structure, Style and the Principles of Screenwriting. New York: Regan, that the the controlling idea is
“the story’s ultimate meaning expressed through the action and aesthetic emotion of the last acts climax, it shapes the thought” (Mckee 112)
And originally I was thinking that the premise and controlling idea were going to be about the obvious situations, her love life and her mental illness. Then, my group leader, Angelina opened my mind to it becoming more than just that. That Aza didn’t want to be a human, she wanted to be invisible. Leading us to our counter idea that, One must be independent and emotionally open in order to feel like a true individual. Towards the end of the book Aza finally feels like a true individual,
“I, a singular proper noun, would go on, if always in a conditional tense.” (Green 285)
We watch Aza grow as a human being, she started off the story as a fictional character and now she’s become a singular proper noun. Aza eventually learns to accept herself and learns to see herself outside of her thoughts and actions because it will never be easy. This is the theme that Green leaves us with. It’s not just a struggle for those with mental illness, but a universal, human struggle.
In my Value Graph you can see that Aza starts off struggling with who she is and who she wants to be, as we are stuck in her negative thoughts and have no way out of it. But closer to the middle and end of the novel we see the impact that Davis has on her life and how she becomes more then what she thought she would be.
A Reading List By Group 5 
I agree with the premise for the story, Turtles All The Way Down by John Green. As it examined, ‘what would happen if you have to acknowledge your identity?’ Before that, I mentioned that the premise could be two things, ‘what if a girl with OCD falls in love?’ or “what if a girl afraid of everything falls in love?’ Since Aza was afraid to kiss Davis, even though she had feelings for him. That is why I thought the premise would be, but my group members Angelina and Sierra, came up with a better one of ‘what would happen if you have to acknowledge your identity?’ Their premise fitted the novel and character of Aza perfectly because she believed she was not a real person and had trouble coping with her thoughts. That leads her to spiral and drink hand sanitizer, as germ-infested in her body and was their being, Aza thought. Also, the premise could relate to teens in high school as they try to learn about themselves and figure who they are.
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Something we didn’t get to discuss in class together was starting to develop the network of controlling values. The opposing controlling value that reflects the purpose and context we have already identified. So thinking through it, we must find some deep dark shadow and problem that lurking behind “One must be independent and emotionally open in order to feel like a true individual.” What could be an issue with that? Perhaps something like, Losing yourself in others and their issues won’t leave any room for you to find yourself.” I mean something along the lines of, focusing on others and their qualities won’t allow the space for you to discover your qualities. You’ll become lost in this pit of they are this they are this they are this and you’ll never have that “I am” moment. And this is a super bad problem. No one wants to define their life by others. Maybe as a possible solution can start to identify the opposing purpose as, Focus on your unique qualities that make you stand out and you will feel fulfilled. Now you can focus on those I-statements. The what makes you different from the lump sum. And doesn’t it seem like there’s something lurking in the shadow of that statement? Something like our controlling context, Being passive and defining oneself by mental illness leaves you indistinguishable. This version of the network feels very much like a first draft. But perhaps this can provide us a foundation to build on in the upcoming blogs.
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Hello Sierra, I like the way you focus on Aza and her individuality. As you said, the whole point o the narrative focusing on Aza is done on purpose. Everything comes from her perspective and all of her struggles are going to be internal because of her unique struggles with mental illness. After all, the only way to understand an internal struggle of someone who suffers from mental illness in the first place is to take a look at what is going on inside their head. I think its important to point out that there is a connection between her obsessions and her own struggle as an individual. The way she thinks about all the bacteria inside of her body, and the way that she tries to picture how they move around in her stomach. It connects to how she sees herself as fictional, it goes beyond that. Its like she sees herself not as an individual and more of an amalgamation of cells and bacteria. Its like she spends the story trying to prove that theory wrong and as you point out, at the end of the book, it looks like she is able to do just that.
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